Xmas is approaching The Family Fun Festive period or is it?
For me I come with stories I would rather forget than share over a mince pie with great Auntie Lilly. From people telling me your biological clock is ticking, being surrounded by super successful and fertile old school friends or being told you look pregnant when you’re not and it’s just the IVF medication bloat. Christmas can be really sad for some.
The Baby Talk
Being Jewish I get double the festive parties from Chanukah to Christmas.
You’re stood in a circle of cousins holding a drink and trying to balance a plate of bagels, gherkins, some salt beef and don’t forget some latkas, whilst listening to them talk about their babies. That feeling of trying to smile, you haven’t said anything for 10 minutes and you’re just looking at your bagel because your trying to take your mind off what happened to you on this journey called infertility and change the subject - hmmmm – “What’s with Donald Trump’s tiny hands”? Or, “which celebrity will be going into the jungle next year? You know, just casual chit chat.
Maybe I should talk about my cat and dog to feel included in this chat? Maybe I can tell them how I know what it’s like being tired because my dog she cries through the night too?
Better still cancel Auntie Susie till I’m brave for next year....
Image above straight after surgery from removing my baby.
Then there is the dreaded Christmas after Chanukah. As I’ve briefly mentioned I lost my mum (I will write a blog about my experience with how I had to say goodbye to my mum one day).
Living with the loss of a loved one is always hard, but grief can feel so much harder for people at certain times of the year. For me it’s the hardest at Christmas and January. Not only did I have to say goodbye to my mum but I also witnessed Alex’s father dying in a hospice. I also went through an Ivf cycle 3 years ago at Xmas and miscarried 12 weeks later.
So as you can image this time of year is particularly crappy for me. Christmas brings joy and laughter to so many and brings families closer together but for me It brings sad emotions and dark images back to my brain from intensive care units to hospices to turning off my mums life support machine.
So what are the best ways to cope?
I found that making new memories and making new traditions really helps me. For instance me and Alex decided last year that we would walk in the morning to Hampstead Heath and walk up to The Bull and Bush a beautiful pub where my mum and dad met for the first time. (So every year from now on that is what we do) we also have made a new tradition, shop online and put everything in a online basket and come Boxing Day we buy everything as it becomes half the price for Boxing Day sales! So no more Xmas presents on Xmas day and shop till we drop the next day! It makes Xmas and Boxing day a whole lot more exciting and different for me. Ive also adopted a little chihuahua rescue called Lola, so now she can make new memories and traditions with us and come on long walks before we sit down and tuck into some tasty food all day long! (which by the way on Xmas everything is 0 calories). Another rule is no decorations till baby has come. It’s personally what I want to do so when baby does come we can make even more new and exciting traditions.
How ever you spend your Christmas remember you are never alone and there is always help at the other end of the phone.